Up ... Down ...

Ever felt really up and really down all within a day? This is what i am feeling now. Torn.

I was really happy that today is the end of a worrisome journey for a dear sister when we went to collect the medical report for her CT scan. It revealed no cancerous cells in her body...and this marks the end of the visits to NUH. We gleefully waved NUH goodbye as we walked out of the hospital. We are thankful for His mercy and lessons learnt during this journey. It is my 'UP' for today.

1101.My Down came this morning when i received the news that she ran out of the Home. I prayed and committed her to the Lord. I know He would keep her safe.

2000.i finally received a phonecall from her.She was in a friend's house.At least she is safe.

2345.Another call from her in tears and shouting in the background. My heart frozed. My mind raced ...'No, i would not go down to pick her now. She needs to learn. No. I would not even go down to the police station now. She needs to learn. No. I will not 'rescue' her this time. She needs to learn. No. I will not even meet her tomorrow. She needs to learn. She needs to learn to bear the consequences.'

0013.Another call from her from the public phone. They have called the police. They will be picking her up right now. Thank God. At least i know that she will be safe.

My heart really pains and cries out to her. I do not know if i am doing the right thing this time. But she needs to learn. Dear Lord, teach me to trust and commit her into your mighty and loving Hands. I know you love her much more than i do.

My dear girl, if you ever read this, i just want you to know that my decision for not going down and being there for you when you are most frighten and lost is not because i had given up on you, nor that i do not love you anymore. It hurts and pains me to stand by my decision right now. But i know, i am doing it because you really needs to learn the lesson of bearing the consequences of your decision. I love you too much to protect you anymore than that i had already done, least you fall into decisions with more dire consequences. It pains me equally to see you going through it alone right now. I hope to let you know that despite me not being there with you physically, you are in my heart and in my prayers. Dear girl, remember what i always tells you, Turn to Jesus when you are most frighten and lost and He would be there for you. He will send His angels to surround and protect you. Just turn to Him and believe.

Today is also the first time that i ever wished that you can be with me during these painful waiting hours. But i understand. Rest assure, i do.