Let Go and Let God

As children bring their broken toys, with tears for us to mend,
I brought my broken dreams (thoughts) to God, because He is my friend.
But then instead of leaving Him in peace to work alone,
I hung around and tried to help with ways (thoughts) that were my own.
At last, I snatched them back again and cried, “How can you be so slow?”
“My child”, He said,” What could I do? You never let go.”

Anonymous

I fear the possibility of complications. I fear going through the tests and jabs. I fear the possibility of another diagnosis which I don’t think at this juncture, I am prepared to go through it again even with the Lord. When the Lord asked, “Xiuli, are you willing to accept whatever I am going to give you for my sake and glory?” Ashamedly, my answer was a definite “No. No Lord, Not again. I don’t think I can handle it, even with You. No Lord. No.”

I didnt realised till now how 'tramautised' i was over all the jabs and scans. Now i know i must have been carried in His Hands all along during the jabs and surgery. It must have been His Grace and Strength that kept me going on so calmly and confidently.

However I refused to surrender this time. I refused to draw from His Strength. No Lord, I am not willing. I do not want to go through the series of tests and jabs again. No Lord, please no. I pleaded. I did not want to surrender. I did not want to see the doctor. I did not even want to bring my fears and thoughts to God.

Finally after struggling for a week, I decided to take the first step and brought my thoughts to the Lord in my bedtime prayers last night. Father, teach me and grant me the courage to “Let Go”. Father, teach me to surrender, just as Abraham did.

Father, I want to place my trust in You.