What have we done wrong?

Had a bad day and I didnt even raised my voice much. Positive reinforcement, Negative reinforcement. What went wrong? Did we give him too much attention? Not enough patience? Not enough praise? Not enough reasoning? What went wrong?
Perhaps its always easier to comment. To give theories.It hurts to hear, " The kid is bullying you. He is manipulating both of you." It hurts to be a monster. What went wrong? We had showered him with love. We tried the soft method. We tried the hard method. Perhaps not hard enough. Lord, help us. Grant us wisdom Father.

18th January 2011

It was a great day! He was almost angelic today! Thank God.
Lord, continue to grant us wisdom and patience in dealing with your child ;o)

I want to remember His words that brought me through the days

12 th January 2011
In His Time, In His Time, HE makes all things beautiful in His time....
Yes Lord, indeed in your time, you will make him beautiful. Lord, in Your time, he will see his own beauty within himself.

13th January 2011
The toughest struggle with him yet - 2.5 hours. For the first time, I lifted my hands - a tool I resolved not to use on him. I had to today. With a burdened heart, I held his little hand and took him away. He followed meekly, almost in an angelic way.
We love because He first loved us - 1 John 4:19. It dawned on me - he may be behaving this way because he had never experienced love and acceptance.
He will learnt to love because we first loved him. Lord, grant us extra wisdom, extra strength and immense patience.

14th January 2011
Then the LORD spoke to Moses and to Aaron, and gave them a charge to the sons of Israel and to Pharaoh king of Egypt, to bring the sons of Israel out of the land of Egypt - Gen 6:13
Lord, you have given us a charge over your precious child. Help us Lord to bring him out of chaos and into your loving arms.

歐得洋-孤單北半球

When I survey the Wondrous Cross

The sky was so dark and it was raining. It has been a long long time since I saw such dark sky. It seems to reflect my feelings, my mood. Its weird that I am so strangely calm and level minded. Despite the overcast sky, I feel comforted.

Dear Lord Jesus,

You see the depth of my heart. May your will be done and grant me the strength to be part of your perfect plan.

In Jesus' name, amen.

Show me Your Way Lord.

Show me Your ways
That I may walk with You
Show me Your ways
I put my hope in You

The cry of my heart
Is to love You more
To live with the
Touch of Your hand
Stronger each day
Show me Your ways

Dear Lord Jesus,

Indeed show me Your ways that I may walk with You. The cry of my heart is to love You more Lord, to live in the touch of your Hands, stronger each day Lord, Show me Your ways.

Your child.

Last Moments

My greatgrandmother has passed away for more than 4 months. Wounds however seem raw. I still hold back tears when I see an elderly. I still hold back tears when I think of her. I even think if I would ever bump into her on the street. I often think what it was like in her last days. As she was sedated, i often ponder what is going through her mind? Is she aware that we were with her? Can she hear us? Can she feel us? Is she comfortable? Is she aware of our conversations? Is there anything she wanted to say, to tell but couldnt?
I often recall her last words when she was awake. She said, ' I have a lot to say, but i dont know how to say.' She left it as that. She took her thoughts along with her.
Even when she suffered a stroke and went unconscious, she wanted to live. She shouted for a doctor.
What went through her mind then?

I blame myself. I hate myself for not talking more with her. I am guilty when I didnt want to talk about death, even when she did. I blame myself for not being able to get her out of the hospital into a nursing home - her last wish. She only wanted to get out.

What was on her mind? Did she blame me?

I couldnt even bring myself to look at her waist pouch she left behind.

I wonder, whats on her mind then?