Lord, i want to return to You, receive me as your servant

Sometimes it takes little things in life to draw our attention back to our mighty God. This day, the taps ran dry again. I was in my church camp in a resort in Malaysia. It struck me. It struck me on how i had forgotten His love. I remembered giving thanks each and every day when i turned on the taps in Cambodia. Each morning when there is water, i know He had provided. However after returning for a year and a half, i adpated back to the lifestyle in Singapore. I forgotten to give thanks.
I remembered His love. Lord, I want to return to you. Receive me as one of your servants.

Now i understand. Teach me Lord.

Judging others.

I have been thinking. Dear Lord, many times i hear you, but i just cant do it. Many times i understood Your ways, but i just cant follow.

Comprehend? Yes i do. Practice? Sorry, it's too difficult.

My boys, now i understand. You do hear me and understood the consequences. But when temptations get real, you just cant resist.

Regrets? Yes.

Doubts? Yes.

I question your sincerity.

Lord, forgive me for judging. Forgive me looking at the speck of sawdust in my brothers' eyes and yet paying no attention to the plank in my own eye. Teach me to extend mercy. Teach me to extend grace.Teach me to deny myself. Teach me dear Lord, to love even when it goes against my will and comfort.

Choices. Consequences.

Dear Lord, i dont understand. I dont understand why. After so many warnings, so many chances. They knew the consequences, yet, they chose their options. They knew the outcomes, yet they chose their ways.

Theft. The lure of money. The pitfall of greed.

Fired.
Homeless.
Confined.
Jailed.

Four youths made their choices in isolation. They are now facing the consequences.
Four, is four too many. What will their future hold?
I am disturbed. Is choice and consequence too high a cognitive concept to comprehend?

Dear Lord Jesus, I pray, please teach us ways to reach your children. Teach us to love and discipline them as you love and discipline us. Grant us wisdom Lord to extend a firm hand when it is needed. Grant us extra patience Lord to listen to them. Teach us Lord to extend mercy and grace. Teach us humility to understand their struggles. Soften us Lord that we may see them in your image.Use us Lord.

Forgiveness

'Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother, then come and offer your gift' - Matthew 5:23-24

This is a familiar verse to me and i simply brushed it aside when i read it last week during one of my Quiet Moments with God.

'Lord, i am not angry with anyone. There isnt anyone that i need to reconcile with. I couldnt think of anyone who would be angry with me too.'

I was wrong.

God in His loving discipline had to be reveal this to me in the most unexpected manner. I was forced to come face to face with the issue, seemingly buried deep within me. It has been almost 10 years. i had grown. But I still couldnt comprehend. I refused to love freely. I was cautious.i held to my rights to feel hurt.I refused to forgive. Time numbed the pain, but it didnt heal. I know i had to make a choice.

Lord, would you please help me. Help me to forgive them, help me to forgive myself. Help me to surrender my rights to anger, my rights to hurts and my rights to pains. Help me Lord, to love as you love me. Help me Lord to serve, as you called me.

Dear friends, how are you doing recently?

Everything I do, I do it for you (Bryan Adams)



Had a song that never fails to warm your heart?

My heart warmed and skipped a beat when i heard this song over the radio today. Perhaps it is a cold night and the warmth comforted me.It brought back beautiful and sweet memories..... memories when i first heard this song - sung to me almost a decade ago. I couldnt exactly remember how i felt then, but i know it is sweet.

Out of the blue as i was travelling on the crowded MRT today, i thought of another very dear friend whom i dont often contact. I dont often think of her, but today, just today, i missed her and wondered how she is doing.It has been many many years and i know she wouldnt change her number. I sent her a sms, strangely ending the msg with my name - just in case she doesnt have my number anymore.She replied saying "Tks.I'm fine too.Was just toking abt you with xxx yester.......U always like children so it didnt came as a surprise that u r teaching now.How's teaching 4 u?Plan 2 return 2 social svs sector?"
It touched me that a friend who is seemingly far away cared enough to even talked about me with someone else.It is heartwarming to be reminded that a friend knows me - my likes and dislikes, my good and bad. Bittersweet memories of our times together were retrieved in my mind.

As i ponder tonight, i am thankful for the numerous sweet and bitter memories that i had. I am thankful for the numerous friends who loved me unconditionally. I am thankful for events past that moulded me into what i am today.

Dear friends, how are you doing lately?

I will lift up my eyes to the hills - where does my help comes from?

This psalm was shared to me a day apart from 2 different people.Thank you Father, for this reminder that you are still in control and that my help comes from You alone.

These weeks have been overwhelming for me. Perhaps it is my own expectations. Perhaps it is my own anxieties. Perhaps it is my time management. Perhaps i had learned to ignore it. Perhaps, perhaps. Perhaps. But i know it is time to make changes in my life ....NOW!

Thank God for the wake up call last saturday when i broke down and cried during my church activity - in the public. We were in the midst of a game - 'Block Catching', they call it. The flat just seems so daunting, too overwhelming. Fear gripped me. When i was left all alone on the 12th floor, my thoughts scare me. Paralysed. I cried. I was scared. Somehow thinking back, i have never felt that despair, that lost and that darkness before.

It really scares me.

I know it is time to make changes now.


Lord, You will be my strength and shield.

There is a time for everything ......a time to weep and a time to LAUGH .....(Ecc 3:4)

A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones - Proverbs 17:22

When was the last time you laughed so hard that you cried? When was the last time you laughed till your tummy aches?



WAHAHAHAHAHHA ;o)