Expectations ......disappointments......

Expectations - a double edged sword.

We expect others to give their minutes, but often we dont do the same for them. We expect and are often disappointed. We experienced disappointment. But why are we doing the same to others?

How can we be a salt and light when we cant even spare a few minutes of our time to something seemingly trival to us, yet of upmost importance to the other?

How do we show the world we care about their lives, when we are not willing to give a few minutes of our time and effort?

How do we love, when we dont give?

How do we preach, when we dont practice?

How do we serve, when we dont sacrifice?

How do we light up, when we dont burn?

So you would come

Father, you see my thoughts, my tears, my fears. Lord, take them and make me whole.




Before the world began
You were on His mind
And every tear you cry
Is precious in His eyes
Because of His great love
He gave His only Son
Everything was done
So you would come

Nothing you can do
Could make Him love you more
And nothing that you've done
Could make Him close the door
Because of His great love
He gave His only Son
Everything was done
So you would come

Come to the Father
Though your gift is small
Broken hearts, broken lives
He will take them all
The power of the Word
The power of His blood
Everything was done
So you would come

Home?

I was in Cambodia for the past 2 weeks ......lots memories, lots thoughts. It felt strange seeing the familiar sights, recalling the familiar faces, smelling the familiar smells, touching the familiar hands, hearing the familiar language.

It felt so surreal - almost like i was in a movie. I went with the intention to take lots photos....to capture moments, places that i did not have the opportunity to do so before i left abruptly a year ago. But i just couldnt. I only took a few. Afterall, how often do we take photos of places in Singapore - a place we call home.

Denial? perhaps. but this time i held back my tears.

Small steps at a time ......slowly but surely you are a step nearer to your dreams

I had a long and draining day in school today. At the end of the two and a half hour session with 3 students,my colleague and myself simply collasped into our chairs, drained and brain dead......fullfilling nonetheless.

It was a very simple task that we assigned to them..... a task which would normally take an average adult less than half an hour to complete. But for them, it consist of two long sessions of brainstorming and a third one next week. It was draining as we prompted for simple answers, for simple solutions, for simple calculations. It was tempting to simply jump in to take control, to take over. We held back. We questioned, we left them with no choice but to really use their brains and think. We dont take no for an answer. There must be a solution. How? How? How?

When i witnessed their pride as they answered the questions, as they came up with solutions themselves, i saw something beyond them......i saw their tinge of confidence emerging. COnfidence....something so remotely familiar to them.

Today, i saw beauty in them. I was privileged to witness their minds opening up to possibilities, to ideas, to solutions. I saw them brimming with pride when they conquered the 'i don't know'. I saw them gaining confidence when they problem-solved one after another issue that cropped up. I saw their joy when they realised that they are capable of handling important tasks afterall.

Dear children, it is one small step at a time, slowly but surely, i know with each brave steps that you take, you are one step nearer to achieving your dreams. As long as you dont give up, we will be walking beside you when you need us; we will be walking behind you when you are ready. We will be your cheer leaders. Go on dear children, go on and i believe you can acheive your dreams!

Dear Jesus, help us Lord to press on. Grant us extra love, extra patience for your children. Grant us wisdom Lord, as we deal with each and every child. Grant us discerment Lord as we intervened with the difficult cases. Teach us to be merciful and gracious children. Thank you for hearing our prayers.

your child,
xiuli

My life is in Your Hands

You don't have to worry
And don't you be afraid
Joy comes in the morning
Troubles they don't last always
For there's a friend in Jesus
Who will wipe your tears away
And if your heart is broken
Just lift your hands and say

Oh
I know that I can make it
I know that I can stand
No matter what may come my way
My life is in your hands

With Jesus I can take it
With Him I know I can stand
No matter what may come my way
My life is in your hands

So when your tests and trials
They seem to get you down
And all your friends and loved ones
Are nowhere to be found
Remember there's a friend in Jesus
Who will wipe your tears away
And if you heart is broken
Just lift your hands and say

Oh
I know that I can make it
I know that I can stand
No matter what may come my way
My life is in your hands

With Jesus I can take it
With Him I know I can stand
No matter what may come my way
My life is in your hands

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Dear JEsus, help me to focus my gaze upon you. Help me to turn to you want i can barely carry on. Help me LOrd, help me. My life is in Your Hands.

your child

Drifting......

Dear Lord,

I am sorry. I am sorry that i have drifted far from you. It is with shame when i checked list myself against the Ten Commandments. I have placed many small gods above you. I am sorry. I have not honoured your Name, i have been bitter. I murdered with my thoughts, i lied. I had been discontented. I had not spent time with my father and mother. I did not keep my sabbath.I am sorry. Fogive me.

LOrd, i pray that You will lead me back to You again. I pray for a rekindle in my spirit for Your word, for Your people. I pray for stillness in my heart that i can hear you once again. Lord, i pray that my heart will not turn cold.

For this reason we MUST pay much closer attention to what we have heard, so that we do not drift away from it. Heb 2:1

Lord, hear my prayers

I offer my life


Your child.

Dear boy

Dear 'boy',

Hi, you finally came to school today. From the day school reopened, i had been looking out for you. You never turned up. Each day, i scanned through the crowd of students, waiting in apprehensive anticipation to see you. I was eager to see you again, yet i was fearful.

It was tough seeing you today. My heart skipped a beat when i saw you. My heart wrenched when i saw the blood on you. I am sorry i just couldnt bring myself to clean you up. I am afraid i might just break down. When our eyes met, i saw the tinge of surprise in you. You do remember me dont you? At least you remembered my face.

Dear 'boy', you had grown. You must have gone through lots since we last met about 3 years ago. You must have gone through lots, since i first met you 5 years ago.You had grown. I often visualize the day when we will meet again. I just had so much to tell you...to tell you how much i love you, to tell you you are really a good boy, to tell you there are many many others who cared for you, to tell you i often pray and think about you when i was away, to tell you though i may have left you physically, you are often in my heart. I just want to tell you so many many things....but i just couldnt bring myself to.

I saw that tinge of hope and surprise in you when we met again during recess. You do remember me, dont you? My heart just cries out for you.

Dear 'boy', i am glad we met again. I had never meant to hurt you that day when I said goodbye. I am sorry. You never knew, but it pains me and tore my heart when i turned and walked out of the house that day. I know i may never see you again.I had never meant to step into your life and hurt you when i stepped out. You had never left my heart. I know deep down leaving you in the house may not be the perfect solution, but it was the best alternative then. I left you in the arms of Jesus, praying that He will protect you. You had never left my heart.

Dear 'boy', it was hard seeing you today. After all the anticipation, it just wrenched my heart to see you. My short journey with you flooded through my mind .....i remembered when i first met you. You were a terror. I remembered that day when you sat there with your accusing eyes, pouring out your hurts when i did not turn up for you when you were shouting for me that night in the 'jungle'. I remembered the days when i visited you late in the nights in the hospital, bringing you your favourite Roti prata all because you didnt like the curry served there. I remembered that Sunday morning when you went unconscious and shut your body, i remembered my frantic journey with you to A&E. I remembered how you slurps your food and didnt like rice, all because you didnt knew how to chew then. I remembered the hurts and disappointments in your eyes when things happened in your family. I remembered your eyes that ran wide, when you supressed and didnt know how to express yourself. I remembered your wide smile and how you enjoyed the Christmas tree. I remembered when you went missing at the Indoor Stadium during the Disney on ICe show and i had to inform the security guards to assist in finding you. I remembered the days when you just couldnt bring yourself to bathe and days when you just couldnt cared anymore. I remembered days when you were really good. I remembered your kind heart when you protected and shielded the little vulnerable ones. I remembered your eagerness to learn, to share and to love on your better days. I remembered the sparkles in your eyes when you are happy.I remembered, yes i remembered.

'Boy', i dont blame you. The system had failed you. My heart cries for the tears that had long dried in you. I shed your long forgotten tears. My dear child, i had never told you ......of each little lives that i had crossed, you left a permanent print in me. You taught me a lot.

I still love you deeply.

Praying for you,
jie jie xiuli