Drifting......

Dear Lord,

I am sorry. I am sorry that i have drifted far from you. It is with shame when i checked list myself against the Ten Commandments. I have placed many small gods above you. I am sorry. I have not honoured your Name, i have been bitter. I murdered with my thoughts, i lied. I had been discontented. I had not spent time with my father and mother. I did not keep my sabbath.I am sorry. Fogive me.

LOrd, i pray that You will lead me back to You again. I pray for a rekindle in my spirit for Your word, for Your people. I pray for stillness in my heart that i can hear you once again. Lord, i pray that my heart will not turn cold.

For this reason we MUST pay much closer attention to what we have heard, so that we do not drift away from it. Heb 2:1

Lord, hear my prayers

I offer my life


Your child.

Dear boy

Dear 'boy',

Hi, you finally came to school today. From the day school reopened, i had been looking out for you. You never turned up. Each day, i scanned through the crowd of students, waiting in apprehensive anticipation to see you. I was eager to see you again, yet i was fearful.

It was tough seeing you today. My heart skipped a beat when i saw you. My heart wrenched when i saw the blood on you. I am sorry i just couldnt bring myself to clean you up. I am afraid i might just break down. When our eyes met, i saw the tinge of surprise in you. You do remember me dont you? At least you remembered my face.

Dear 'boy', you had grown. You must have gone through lots since we last met about 3 years ago. You must have gone through lots, since i first met you 5 years ago.You had grown. I often visualize the day when we will meet again. I just had so much to tell you...to tell you how much i love you, to tell you you are really a good boy, to tell you there are many many others who cared for you, to tell you i often pray and think about you when i was away, to tell you though i may have left you physically, you are often in my heart. I just want to tell you so many many things....but i just couldnt bring myself to.

I saw that tinge of hope and surprise in you when we met again during recess. You do remember me, dont you? My heart just cries out for you.

Dear 'boy', i am glad we met again. I had never meant to hurt you that day when I said goodbye. I am sorry. You never knew, but it pains me and tore my heart when i turned and walked out of the house that day. I know i may never see you again.I had never meant to step into your life and hurt you when i stepped out. You had never left my heart. I know deep down leaving you in the house may not be the perfect solution, but it was the best alternative then. I left you in the arms of Jesus, praying that He will protect you. You had never left my heart.

Dear 'boy', it was hard seeing you today. After all the anticipation, it just wrenched my heart to see you. My short journey with you flooded through my mind .....i remembered when i first met you. You were a terror. I remembered that day when you sat there with your accusing eyes, pouring out your hurts when i did not turn up for you when you were shouting for me that night in the 'jungle'. I remembered the days when i visited you late in the nights in the hospital, bringing you your favourite Roti prata all because you didnt like the curry served there. I remembered that Sunday morning when you went unconscious and shut your body, i remembered my frantic journey with you to A&E. I remembered how you slurps your food and didnt like rice, all because you didnt knew how to chew then. I remembered the hurts and disappointments in your eyes when things happened in your family. I remembered your eyes that ran wide, when you supressed and didnt know how to express yourself. I remembered your wide smile and how you enjoyed the Christmas tree. I remembered when you went missing at the Indoor Stadium during the Disney on ICe show and i had to inform the security guards to assist in finding you. I remembered the days when you just couldnt bring yourself to bathe and days when you just couldnt cared anymore. I remembered days when you were really good. I remembered your kind heart when you protected and shielded the little vulnerable ones. I remembered your eagerness to learn, to share and to love on your better days. I remembered the sparkles in your eyes when you are happy.I remembered, yes i remembered.

'Boy', i dont blame you. The system had failed you. My heart cries for the tears that had long dried in you. I shed your long forgotten tears. My dear child, i had never told you ......of each little lives that i had crossed, you left a permanent print in me. You taught me a lot.

I still love you deeply.

Praying for you,
jie jie xiuli

Dear Mr Jesus

Dear Mr. Jesus, I just had to write to you
Something really scared me, when I saw it on the news
A story 'bout a little girl beaten black and blue
Jesus, thought I'd take this right to you

Dear Mr. Jesus, I don't understand
Why they took her mom and dad away
I know that they don't mean to hit with wild and angry hands
Tell them just how big they are I pray

Please don't let them hurt your children
We need love and shelter from the storm
Please don't let them hurt your children
Won't you keep us safe and warm

Dear Mr. Jesus, they say that she may die
Oh I hope the doctors stop the pain
I know that you could save her and take her up to the sky
So she would never have to hurt again

Please don't let them hurt your children.
Dear Mr. Jesus, please tell me what to do
And please don't tell my daddy
But my mommy hits me, too.

Please don't let them hurt your children...

words and music by Richard Klender

I am a servant

I Am A Servant

I am a servant, I am listening for my name
I sit here waiting I've been looking at the game
That I've been playing and I've been staying much the same
When you are lonely you're the only one to blame

I am a servant, I am waiting for Your call
I've been unfaithful so I sit here in the hall
How can You use me when I've never given all
How can You choose me when You know I quickly fall

So You feed my soul and you make me grow
And you let me know You love me
And I'm worthless now but I've made a vow
I will humbly bow before You
Oh please use me, I am lonely

I am a servant, getting ready for my part
There's been a change, a rearrangement in my heart
At last I'm learning there's no returning once I start
To live's a privilege, to love is such an art
But I need Your help to start
Oh please purify my heart
I am your servant

© Larry Norman

Dear Lord, purify my heart. Dear Lord, teach me to give you my all. Dear Lord, reign in me. Dear Lord, teach me to be Your servant. I am Yours.

For you ......my best friend

HAd a long and productive day today ......physically very tired, but mind still very active. I know i need to rest. I know my body is collapsing with the 5 - 6 hours of sleep daily. However, sometimes, sleep is such a dreadful and fearful thing. Not that i am not enjoying my work, its just that everytime i sleep, time passes so quickly, and the next day begins. A new day of activities and work.

Today, my mind ran wild. I thought of my past......my secondary school days. I find it heartwarming that different songs reminds me of different periods of my life......songs that reminds me of the someone, songs that reminds of an event, songs that reminds me of my tears and hurts, songs that reminds me of my joys.

Today, i remembered this song.i remembered my best friend. She once told me that this song always brings tears to her eyes. I couldnt exactly remember in what context she made that statement, but i remembered her and i love her dearly still. This is for you......i remembered you today and i still love you very much. Thank you for being my best friend, for the wonderful times we shared, for the tears we shed. Glad we are still in contact.

You are my first and perhaps last best friend i will ever have. I never dared to have another best friend after our secondary school days.

Today i asked God for an ice cream

Todays marks the start of a hectic 2 weeks ahead as we prepare for the commencement of the workshops next week, the briefings for teachers and parents and the kick start of the prevocational program for the students in term 2. It was a long and tiring day and i dozed off in the long train ride home in the hot afternoon ....... As my train draws into Yishun mrt station, i uttered specifically and simply,"God, i want an ice cream, those kind on a motor bike outside the mrt station".

As far as i can rememeber, i did not see the ice cream man there for sometime. NEver had i ever bought ice cream from the ice cream man parked outside the mrt station. It struck me as strange and weird that i would even utter such a request. Lo and behold! As i walked out of the station, i saw the familiar ice cream man's umbrella on his motorbike! My sudden request puzzled me. I had NEVER made such request before. His providence amazes me......my LOrd hears even my small prayer.

Today, i asked God for an ice cream and He gave it to me.

Thank You Father, for reminding me once again of your great, steadfast and unfailing love to me. Thank you for even using this small gesture to show me, remind me and assure me of your presence. Thank you for hearing my each and every thought and prayers. Thank You Father, for using this manner to cheer me on in this journey. Thank you Lord ;o)

I bought a marvellous 60cents chocolate ice cream ;o)

Dao Cao Ren

Today i realised i had grown ......grown stronger. Perhaps i dont want to feel, perhaps i choose not to feel, perhaps i really dont feel or perhaps i am in denial ......, but in all, i learnt to keep myself in check. I learnt to deny the upheaval deep within, and moved on with a smile. I had grown. I dont cry anymore. I learnt not to. I dont talk about things anymore. I learnt not to. I dont ventilate out anymore. I must learn not to.

Today i realised that i had grown.