Bereavement

I have never knew bereavement is so hard, especially with someone so close, so dear.

My greatgrandmother returned to the Lord last Thursday, 8th April at 2301, after a fight of 1 month 12 days with suspected lung cancer.We never had it investigated as no treatment can be administered. She is 93 years old. Oh, we then realised she is 91 when we were doing the craving on the slab for the niche. They followed her chinese zodiac - goat. That puts her at 91 years old. It was then exposed that she had to 'increase' her age so as to travel to Malaysia (from China) at the point of time.

I cannot cry. I am in the midst of my teaching practicum. I have 2 observations this week. I feel so disoriented and lost. Yes, i know i need time to grief, but not now. I cant. I have tasks to do, responsibilities to fulfill.

Every thought of her draws tears. It is so tough. Every piece of work that i am doing now reminds me of the time i spent in the ward with her - doing my markings,drafting my lesson plans, typing my diagnostic summaries etc. Even the scribbles of my lesson plan on the day she departed left imprints of her perimeter readings at 3pm - heartrate was 80, BP was 104/49. Her oxygen was 100% (on the oxygen mask). She was running a fever of 38.6 degrees.

I know I cannot grief now. Crying will make me tired. I need to move on and complete my teaching practicum. It is so hard. I know I cannot cry. It will just further drain me. Yet I am so afraid memories of her will just die off. I am so afraid she will just fade away - her words, her advice, her smiles, her 'Thank Yous', her 'complains', HER. It is so painful.

I dont really talk about it, lest i break down. I dont know how to express in speech. Thus i just hope to use this avenue to journal down my little thoughts of her. Perhaps then memories will be kept afresh. Perhaps then i may feel a little better.

I miss her alot.

Let's pray for her.

Teenager missing from Girls Home
Posted: 01 December 2009 1832 hrs

Missing - Ang Wei Ling

Singapore: A 14-year-old girl has gone missing and the Police are appealing for information on her whereabouts.

The girl named Ang Wei Ling was last seen at Mattar Road at the Andrew and Grace Home. This was on Wednesday, November 18 at about 11.30am.

She is described as plump, tanned and standing 1.5 metres tall.

The teen who sports dark hair, was last seen dressed in a white T-shirt, black and white cardigan, and black shorts.

Anyone with information on the missing girl should call the Police Hotline at 1800-255-0000.

- CNA

http://www.channelnewsasia.com/stories/singaporelocalnews/view/1021779/1/.html

Fruit of the Spirt

追

My love will get you home

Simple Pleasures that kept me.

Coffee machine in the staffroom. It cost $1 and I wouldnt allow myself to spurge on it when i can get an equally good Nescafe sachet for $0.20. On the last week of the term before the June Holidays, I treated my dearest 2 colleagues and myself a cup each. It kept me awake.


My mini provision box under my table in the staff room. This was what kept me through in April and May when I had to skip lunch almost everyday. It kept my sanity.


Little treats.Big joys. McDonald's breakfast, Jagabee chips, Pringles, Doreamon from colleagues and friends.Their love kept me through April and May. They kept my smile.


I am treasured. Flower from my student. This warmed my heart.


Dear Lord, I am thankful. I am thankful for Your abundant love showered upon me. I am thankful for the wonderful people you have placed in my life ...to cheer me on, to encourage me, to love. Thank You Father.

They are family

A quick update.......

Just came home from a 16-hour work day(with a total of 40mins for my breakfast, lunch and dinner), with every inch of my body and brain totally drained out. With another 16-hour day tomorrow as one of my colleagues is on MC.

Why work so hard? I dont have to.

Yes, i dont have to. In the midst of the crazy deadlines - Individualised Education Plans (IEPs),Outcome Management (OMs), assessments, lesson plans, Site visits, On-job support, Softskills Workshops,Work Experience Program, Softskills Training, Parents - Teachers Conference....... I dont have to.

" You are not earning a CEO pay! "

"Yah, I don't have to."

Indeed, I dont have to. Every physical inch of me seems to be screaming...... I dont have to. I dont have to work so hard. I dont have to deal with heartaches.

Disheartened. Discouraged. I dont have to.

Family-work balance.

I love my family very much. I love my boyfriend very much. I love my friends and my siblings in Christ very much. And yes, i love my students very much.

I dont have to. Why go that extra mile for the students?Why cheer them on when they give up on themselves? Why pull them along when they stop moving forward? Why encourage them when they despair? Why love and get hurt? Why get shouted at and keep silent?

Yes, i do get very very discouraged and disheartened many a times. I dont have to put up with ungratefulness, verbal abuse, physical torment, bad attitudes and even to humble myself just to build relationships. I dont have to.

Then it dawned on me today, Yes, i dont have to. But I want to. Family - work balance? Yes, i want to because my students are family.

Lord, help me, teach me Lord to love them as you loved me. Guide me Lord, as i move along these weeks, help me to do EVERYTHING for your glory. Grant me joy Lord as i move along my way. Lord,bestow me wisdom and patience.