Just for today, I once again wish ......

I have since grown up to know that fairies, brownies, elves and gnomes dont exist. However, today, i wish i could believe in them again. I wish to have the simple innocence and faith again. I wish to believe that even as i am writing this, pixies are dancing around the bonfire, that Noel, the Know-All Gnome is still tending the garden. Today, just for today, i wish to be in fairyland - to have that child-like belief and trust that the tooth fairy does exist - to have that eagerness and anticipation that on a chilly night like today, i can spot one of them on the window still. I wish that as i fall asleep tonight, my soft toys will protect me. I dont often use this word, 'wish' anymore. But just for today, i once again wish.....



i recalled my tutor's words many many years ago - 'However, you must also remember that you are living in a real world. You have to work hard, in fact very hard to be successful.'

One Thing Have I Desired

It's Psalm 27:4 (not quite verbatim)

One thing have I desired of the Lord
That will I seek after
That I may dwell in the house of the Lord
All the days of my life

To behold the beauty
The beauty of the Lord
To inquire in His temple
The temple of the Lord

Sometimes When We Touch - Dan Hill

Grow

I heard Him again today when He spoke to me through a friend who gave me this bookmark. Indeed Lord, even when things get tough, help me to grow and bear fruits.

'Then you should be alright ;)'

My heart skipped a beat when I received this sms. Simple words that dugged right into my ugly and selfish heart.

It all began like this - I was in the midst of making a tough decision - to give up my room and my bed for a night or so. To give it up for a family unrelated to me.

This is my bargain with God -

"Yes Lord, I am willing to share my room.I have a mattress, they can sleep on the floor. I can give them pillows and comforters."

"Is this the best hospility you can give to this family in distress?"

"Ok.They can sleep on my bed. I can sleep on the floor with the comforters"

"Is this the best you can offer?"

"Yes Lord, where else do you want me to sleep?"

"My child, I want you to give up your room."

Meanwhile,I called my parents and sister. I received the anticipated response,"Yes, they can come over for the night."
But I didnt expect the second half, "Yes you can move over to our rooms to sleep for the night." - with an answer like that, that means two rooms - I can choose to sleep either with my parents or my sister.

"But Lord, I am tired. I haven't been sleeping well the past few nights. I needed a rest. They can find alternative. You knew I was looking for a good night rest tonight. It will be such a warm and cozy night with my soft toys."

"Child, I have given you a beautiful room. Would you offer it to Me for a night?"

"But God....." I sulked.

Still refusing to give in, I solicited help from various sources....calling whichever numbers I thought would offer a glimpse of hope.

Finally, a friend replied, " It shouldn't be a problem. But what's your last resort if I couldnt take them in?"

"If you really can't, then I would give up my room for them."

"Ok. You're ok ya?"

"No No. I am not ok. I will miss my soft toys and my bed." I replied, with all seriousness.

Then it came the message:Oh ok. Then you should be alright ;)

Alright I shall be.

I thought I was nice. Afterall, I know many who aren't even willing to open their houses to people.
But He has a different standard. Just when I thought I was ok, He challenged me a little beyond my comfort zone.

Dear Lord, here, use my room and my bed. This is my love to You. Yes Lord, alright I shall be with You.
Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace i its various forms. - 1 Peter 4:9-10

Heartaches

Many years ago while i was still a student doing my Industrial Attachment as a social worker in a Voluntary Welfare Organisation (VWO), I once said I would leave the social service sector straight away if ever my heart turns cold or indifferent towards the clients.

Many times, God in His gentle manner reminded me of this committment. When a social worker friend visited me in Cambodia after I was there for a year and a half, I poured out my heart, sharing that my heart was cold and I needed a rest desperately. I confidently said I would not return to a social service agency for at least the next few years.

Rested I did.
Returned to a VWO I did.

Today, a colleague reminded me,"Siew Lee, you need to learn to let go and take things easy.You must not pent up your emotions. You must ventilate out, else you will become crazy."

A week ago, I received yet another heartbreaking disappointment.

Sad I was.
Confused I was.
Disappointed I was.

Yet, I am thankful. Yes Lord, it shows I am only human. Yes Lord, it shows i am only but Your servant, placed in where You desire.

Lord, i want to return to You, receive me as your servant

Sometimes it takes little things in life to draw our attention back to our mighty God. This day, the taps ran dry again. I was in my church camp in a resort in Malaysia. It struck me. It struck me on how i had forgotten His love. I remembered giving thanks each and every day when i turned on the taps in Cambodia. Each morning when there is water, i know He had provided. However after returning for a year and a half, i adpated back to the lifestyle in Singapore. I forgotten to give thanks.
I remembered His love. Lord, I want to return to you. Receive me as one of your servants.