Dear friends, how are you doing recently?

Everything I do, I do it for you (Bryan Adams)



Had a song that never fails to warm your heart?

My heart warmed and skipped a beat when i heard this song over the radio today. Perhaps it is a cold night and the warmth comforted me.It brought back beautiful and sweet memories..... memories when i first heard this song - sung to me almost a decade ago. I couldnt exactly remember how i felt then, but i know it is sweet.

Out of the blue as i was travelling on the crowded MRT today, i thought of another very dear friend whom i dont often contact. I dont often think of her, but today, just today, i missed her and wondered how she is doing.It has been many many years and i know she wouldnt change her number. I sent her a sms, strangely ending the msg with my name - just in case she doesnt have my number anymore.She replied saying "Tks.I'm fine too.Was just toking abt you with xxx yester.......U always like children so it didnt came as a surprise that u r teaching now.How's teaching 4 u?Plan 2 return 2 social svs sector?"
It touched me that a friend who is seemingly far away cared enough to even talked about me with someone else.It is heartwarming to be reminded that a friend knows me - my likes and dislikes, my good and bad. Bittersweet memories of our times together were retrieved in my mind.

As i ponder tonight, i am thankful for the numerous sweet and bitter memories that i had. I am thankful for the numerous friends who loved me unconditionally. I am thankful for events past that moulded me into what i am today.

Dear friends, how are you doing lately?

I will lift up my eyes to the hills - where does my help comes from?

This psalm was shared to me a day apart from 2 different people.Thank you Father, for this reminder that you are still in control and that my help comes from You alone.

These weeks have been overwhelming for me. Perhaps it is my own expectations. Perhaps it is my own anxieties. Perhaps it is my time management. Perhaps i had learned to ignore it. Perhaps, perhaps. Perhaps. But i know it is time to make changes in my life ....NOW!

Thank God for the wake up call last saturday when i broke down and cried during my church activity - in the public. We were in the midst of a game - 'Block Catching', they call it. The flat just seems so daunting, too overwhelming. Fear gripped me. When i was left all alone on the 12th floor, my thoughts scare me. Paralysed. I cried. I was scared. Somehow thinking back, i have never felt that despair, that lost and that darkness before.

It really scares me.

I know it is time to make changes now.


Lord, You will be my strength and shield.

There is a time for everything ......a time to weep and a time to LAUGH .....(Ecc 3:4)

A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones - Proverbs 17:22

When was the last time you laughed so hard that you cried? When was the last time you laughed till your tummy aches?



WAHAHAHAHAHHA ;o)

Temptations

I was young and now I am old,
yet i have never seen the righteous forsaken or their children begging bread - Psalm 37:25

Dear friend,

You broke my heart when i saw you that day - drunk. You arent like that in the past. Since i known you, that was the first time my heart turned cold during our conversation. You said things which sadden me. YOu made remarks which i didn't want to hear. You made suggestions and revealed dreams which warmed my heart. You made comments that lit a light in me. But who are you? You seemed so distant. I seemed to have forgotten you.

It's strange when i rode in your BIG car the next day. Our relationship have changed. Our status have changed. We have changed. Strangely in the short ride in the familiar dark road, i recalled that Christmas eve when we were trapped in the car - i was hungry, alone and cold. You were there. We laughed. We both missed our families, didnt we? I remembered the numerous times when the vehicles broke down. We prayed. We trusted. We survived, didnt we? I remembered those times. Those times when i couldnt call you friend yet.

Circumstances changed. Status changed. We changed. Have our values changed too?

I recalled the numerous times when we discussed about corruption. I recalled the anger we felt when we were at the mercy of those policemen, those officials, those teachers. We were indignant about it, didnt we? You had your dreams about your own country, about the future generations, about the values you want to pass on. You trusted in HIM to provide, didnt you? You held your principles in tough times, you made your tough choice when circumstances went against what you believed. YOu trusted Him to provide, didnt you? You went against the tide to hold on to your values. You fought for what you wanted - a clear conscience. You stood your ground, didnt you?

What happened? Had circumstances really changed? or have we changed? I remembered a friend once rebuking me saying,' Xiuli, don't judge. You have never been really poor before. You have never turly known hunger before. YOu have never experienced true loss, oppression and hardships before. Do not judge the people.'

Dear friend, i judge you not. But you broke His heart. You broke mine too. You broke His heart when you made excuses for your intended plans. You broke His heart when you compromised your values. You broke His heart when you chose to turn away from Him. Dear friend, it is still not too late. You remembered our session on Right and Wrong, don't you? You said you did. PLease dont take the wrong turn. Our Lord has said," Turn from evil and do good; then you will dwell in the land forever. For the Lord loves the just and will not forsake his faithful ones. They will be protected forever, but the offspring of the wicked will be cut off; the righteous will inherit the land and dwell in it forever." (Psalm 37:27 - 29)

Dear friend, it is still not too late. Turn back, please turn back.

Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, "Never will I leave you;never will i forsake you." So we say with confidence, "The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?" - Hebrews 13:5 - 6

Remember,God is good ALL the time.He will provide.

Praying for you,
your friend

Dear Lord Jesus,
I pray, i just pray for your mercy and grace for your children living in the oppressed country of Cambodia. Dear Lord, i pray for conviction for your children to stand firm and rooted in your word. Dear LOrd, i pray for strength and courage for your children to go against the tide, to remain faithful in their deeds. Dear Lord, i pray for your prescence to be with them when they are tempted, when they struggle. Dear LOrd, i pray for your Hands to comfort them when they are hardpressed. I pray dear Lord, Your children will shine forth as light and hope in the darken land. Dear LOrd, i pray, keep them and protect them against the lust of human nature.

Your child,
xiuli

Expectations ......disappointments......

Expectations - a double edged sword.

We expect others to give their minutes, but often we dont do the same for them. We expect and are often disappointed. We experienced disappointment. But why are we doing the same to others?

How can we be a salt and light when we cant even spare a few minutes of our time to something seemingly trival to us, yet of upmost importance to the other?

How do we show the world we care about their lives, when we are not willing to give a few minutes of our time and effort?

How do we love, when we dont give?

How do we preach, when we dont practice?

How do we serve, when we dont sacrifice?

How do we light up, when we dont burn?

So you would come

Father, you see my thoughts, my tears, my fears. Lord, take them and make me whole.




Before the world began
You were on His mind
And every tear you cry
Is precious in His eyes
Because of His great love
He gave His only Son
Everything was done
So you would come

Nothing you can do
Could make Him love you more
And nothing that you've done
Could make Him close the door
Because of His great love
He gave His only Son
Everything was done
So you would come

Come to the Father
Though your gift is small
Broken hearts, broken lives
He will take them all
The power of the Word
The power of His blood
Everything was done
So you would come

Home?

I was in Cambodia for the past 2 weeks ......lots memories, lots thoughts. It felt strange seeing the familiar sights, recalling the familiar faces, smelling the familiar smells, touching the familiar hands, hearing the familiar language.

It felt so surreal - almost like i was in a movie. I went with the intention to take lots photos....to capture moments, places that i did not have the opportunity to do so before i left abruptly a year ago. But i just couldnt. I only took a few. Afterall, how often do we take photos of places in Singapore - a place we call home.

Denial? perhaps. but this time i held back my tears.