Last Moments

My greatgrandmother has passed away for more than 4 months. Wounds however seem raw. I still hold back tears when I see an elderly. I still hold back tears when I think of her. I even think if I would ever bump into her on the street. I often think what it was like in her last days. As she was sedated, i often ponder what is going through her mind? Is she aware that we were with her? Can she hear us? Can she feel us? Is she comfortable? Is she aware of our conversations? Is there anything she wanted to say, to tell but couldnt?
I often recall her last words when she was awake. She said, ' I have a lot to say, but i dont know how to say.' She left it as that. She took her thoughts along with her.
Even when she suffered a stroke and went unconscious, she wanted to live. She shouted for a doctor.
What went through her mind then?

I blame myself. I hate myself for not talking more with her. I am guilty when I didnt want to talk about death, even when she did. I blame myself for not being able to get her out of the hospital into a nursing home - her last wish. She only wanted to get out.

What was on her mind? Did she blame me?

I couldnt even bring myself to look at her waist pouch she left behind.

I wonder, whats on her mind then?